Holdin' On

There's a Mountain Dew can
With lipstick on it
Rollin' around his truck bed
He just leaves it back there
One of the things he has left of
Her

When he drives into the late
Day sun
You can see a set of footprints
He ain't gonna clean that
Windshield
He'd rather just live with the hurt

[Chorus]
He's holdin' on to the wheel
On to the way she made him feel
On to the shifter, on to
The pictures
Every precious moment with her
Like the left beheind colors in the
Sky
When the sun is gone
He's holdin' on

Oh, he's holdin' on

There's a voicemail on his cell
Phone
He don't dare erase
She endeed with I love you
And he saves it just in case it
Might still be true
No, he ain't through

[Chorus]
He's holdin' on to the wheel
On to the way she made him feel
On to the shifter, on to
The pictures
Every precious moment with her
Like the left beheind colors in the
Sky
When the sun is gone
He's holdin' on

To the past
To the last time he held her
Her breath on his neck
The three words she said
Oh --

He's holdin' on to the wheel
On to the way she made him feel
On to the shifter
On to the pictures
Every precious moment with her
He's holdin' on
Yeah, he's holdin' on and on
He's holdin' on, he's holdin' on

Would he care if I died? Would he notice I'm gone? Would he miss me even a little then?

I don't think so...

I'll be seeing you,
Manda

How?

I woke up thinking I was holding you. The thought of it makes my stomach turn. My dream was so real. We were happy we were together. We fell asleep holding each other and that's when I woke up thinking I was waking up holding you. I can still feel the embrace. Turns out I was holding my comforters and it gave me the illusion that I was once again waking up to you. That was probably the worst one yet. I've woke up crying about you and I've woke up trying to figure out if my dream was real or not but never has it been so real as to where I feel you in my arms. I hate you for leaving me and becoming everything you promised you'd never be but most of all I hate you for making me really fall in love with you. I hate this feeling of lonely you have left me with.

I'll be seeing you,
Manda

like a ghost

You're there. Every song, every road, every turn, every shirt, every picture, every show, every room in my house, ever memory of love & happiness. Like a ghost you haunt my life. You are still living in it even though we haven't talked in months. You still surround me and it makes me hate you so much. I hate that I can look back at pictures and remember exactly how my heart raced...and still does the moment I look at the picture of us. I can remember everything. I want it to stop. I want you gone. How do you get rid of a ghost? How do you banish them from your life? How can I cure this haunting?



I'll be seeing you,
Manda

just waiting on love gone

I made a promise to him. I made a promise to myself. I keep my promises. I said I'd love him forever, I promise. I don't think I'm going anywhere. I don't think my love for him is going anywhere. Sometimes I get really mad about it. I want to hate him, I want him out of my life, I want him gone. But I can't take away the love I had for him. It's going to be there and I really don't think it's going to be leaving any time soon at least. Trust me, I want to get over him, I want to move on, I want someone new. But unconditional love is tested and proven with trials of life. I guess my love is just standing strong as I promised it would. I can't handle this anymore.

I know I shouldn't but I,
I guess you're surprised to hear from me,
I hope it's not to late to call
So you have nothin' left to say, then i'll just talk
I'm the one who broke your heart, I'm the one who let us down
I'm the reason that we're not together now
I hear you found somebody else, but baby I can't help myself

I know I shouldn't miss your touch
I know i shouldn't lie awake
Thinkin I could win ya back
Prayin now it's not to late
Would you believe me if I said I still love you?
I know I shouldn't but I do

Tell me what's up with your new friend
I know I shouldn't even ask
It's not fair to interfereI had my chance
I told you that we were through
But I've never gotten over you

I'll be seeing you,
Manda

Dream without fear love without limits

I still love you. There aint nothin' that love can't fix. I wanna change it all but that's impossible. I've been raised to never give up on love though. So I'm sorry for loving you unconditionally.

I'll be seeing you,
Manda

without you i'll be miserable at best..

I met someone a couple weeks ago. We hit it off and that was a huge step for me. I didn't think about him at all until a couple days later. It was like all of a sudden I realized that there could be someone new in my life. I don't like new things or change. I just don't process it well. All I can think about is that this guy won't measure up to the guy I was last with. And on top of it this new guy is perfect or so it seems. I know you aren't supposed to judge people until you really get to know them and have given them a chance but I can't help it. I'm scared he won't be, well, the guy I'm still in love with. Maybe I'm not ready for this whole moving on thing...

How do you know when you're 'ready'? I should know all of this. I've gone through it before. I guess I just have never lost a love so great though. Maybe I just have to bite the bullet on this one. Maybe I just have to jump. "I guess if you don't jump you'll never know if you can fly." Take chances in life. I mean really what do I have to lose anymore anyways? I've lost the greatest thing thus far in my life. I really can't take too many steps backwards. I'm just scared. What if I take the jump and then he comes back? I know, I can what if it all day. I guess he is the biggest thing holding me back. Not even the fear of being hurt again just the fear that he'll come back as I move on. He hurt me more than probably anyone has ever hurt me in my life and I want to thank him for that. He has made me so much stronger then I ever thought I could be. I hate him and love him for that. Who am I kidding I hate him so much yet I'm still in love with him. It's such a joke. Well as I've said before...someday..

Wanna know what makes me really mad though? The fact that I'm so happy right now. Nothing in life is bringing me down. I have a lot going for me, yes, some set backs but seriously nothing to be down about. I'm just happy. But all I can think about is how it'd be the best to have him by my side. I hate that I want him here by my side when I'm so incredibly happy. It really racks my brain. I just don't get why I'm so happy yet I'd be that much better with him by my side. Even as my friend would be a huge change. I guess I shouldn't say that. I don't even know him anymore. I hear he's changed a lot but maybe he's just hiding behind some pretty high walls. I don't blame him. But no matter what, the walls will crumble. You just better hope you kept certain people around to help you out when you're all exposed and flaunting everything once the walls fall down around you.

I'll be seeing you,

Manda