how do you know,

when it's the end?

I can be in such a great frame of mind when it comes to my Grandpa Jim and his battle with cancer but some days I let it defeat me and tear me down. I want to stay positive and believe that he can still keep fighting but when I hear certain things like 'the tumor has grown a tremendous amount' or 'ya know at this stage it's not too far from the end.' Stuff like that whigs me out and gets me in this funk. I have this hope and dream that my grandpa will one day be at my wedding or hold my first child and I guess a harsh reality is that he probably won't. How do you plan for someone to not be there for you the rest of your life? He's been such a big help and support all my years here, how do I keep going without him? Yes, I have friends and other loved ones who will support me and stand by my side but they aren't my Grandpa Jim. No one will take his place and I don't want that. But I wish he'd just always be there, always. I see the hurt in my Grandma's eyes often. She's scared. They have been each other's one and only for so long now. She must be wondering how she'll continue on without him..if she'll continue on with him. I don't know what I'd do if I were her to be completely honest. I'd be a wreck. How do you watch the one you love with your entire being just fall apart and slowly fade away? My grandparents love is so strong and true and I admire it. They are my favorite couple. Still after all of their years together they can joke, kiss, laugh, cry, feel and just love one another. It's true genuine love. I hope that I one day can have a relationship as strong as theirs. My grandpa has lived a very fulfilling life. I am grateful that at 20 years old I still have all four of my grandparents. I am a very lucky grand daughter, that's for certain. What will I do without him? Well, how do you know, when it's the end?

I'll be seeing you,
Manda

So come on baby let me in and show me what this really is

Hoping for a moment that I turn around and you'll be coming after me
Cause all that I can say is that it's obvious, it's obvious you're all I see
So come on baby let me in and show me what this really is about
Cause I can't read you
Come on baby let me in and show me what this really is cause

Something must have made you say that, what did I do to make you say that to me
Something must have made you so mad, what can I do to make you say come back to me

And I'll be here in the morning if you say stay, if you say stay to me

I'll be seeing you,
Manda

I can't believe we let it end..

At the time, it seemed like the right thing
Breakin' up and goin' separate ways
But now I find, I can't keep from wishin'
I was back with you in yesterday
Laughin' and lovin' wild and free
No one else but you and me

I wanna feel that way again
I wanna touch you like I did back then
I wanna hold you in my arms, let a candle burn till dawn
Feel your breath upon my skin
It was the best I've ever been
I can't believe we let it end
I wanna feel that way again

Holdin' hands, walkin' down a dirt road
In the dark and knowin' everythin' was right
We would dance, and talk about tomorrow
Our lips would touch and set the night on fire
Back then there was nothin' we couldn't do
Believin' that dreams come true

I wanna feel that way again
I wanna touch you like I did back then
I wanna hold you in my arms, let a candle burn till dawn
Feel your breath upon my skin
It was the best I've ever been
I can't believe we let it end
I wanna feel that way again

It was the best I've ever been
I can't believe we let it end
I wanna feel that way again